Another Version, Another Time
by 9thlizard
Summary: This is the story about the missing link in the whole HP scene... his godmother... and how she fits into it all.
1. Chapter 1

**N.B. Okays so I don't own anything... just the storyline and some characters... believe it or not but some of these people that you've never even heard of do exist... according to internet versions of various wizarding family trees! Oh and the writing might seem strange and oddly formal at times, but keep in mind that it's all written from Jez's perspective... and she's definitely strange and oddly formal!**

"How was your Christmas?" she asked staring at the ground as she gently rocked back and forth on the swing.

"To be perfectly honest, pretty uneventful, although Lucifer did bring Narcissa over to partake in the ritual that is Christmas dinner." I smiled in memory, slowly rocking back and forth on the playground horse.

Lily looked up at and smiled "that horse looks just the right size for you!"

"Oi, watch it you! You should be happy to see me after a week apart!" I laugh back.

She was quiet and I left her in that silence. To be perfectly honest, I could not help but feel slightly guilty that I have never been able to invite her to my house in the summer or that I could not visit her without making up some lie about going to visit Alice Underwood in order to meet my best friend in a park.

"I worry about you, you know..." she started. This surprised me and before she could continue I joked "well I can see your concern, I'm bound t get kicked out for sure! There are only so many times that I can break the rules before Dumbledore comes down on me like a load of history of magic books!"

"No Jez, that's not it. Every time you come back from holidays you look pale and drawn, stressed and it doesn't seem like you've been on a holiday at all..." Lily's eyes were full of concern and I paused before answering "Lily, there are so many dark things in this world, but I cannot always see it that way. I cannot see white or black, I can only see grey... and I'm glad because I would hate to be so filled with white but surrounded by black that I begin to hate my existence like Sirius and I would hate to be so filled with black that I cannot surround myself with white, like, say Bellatrix... I am far luckier than any in our world. My family is considered prestigious, but odd none the less. My father is a pure blood who has relics on the walls of our home commemorating the time that we were wizarding royalty, but how we lost it all through inbreeding and superiority. My mother is a nymph, therefore I am not even human, I have a pet phoenix... they all know I have you as a friend but view it as a sign of my oddity and not a failing as they would any other with a muggle-born friend. I am only sorry that I do not wish to antagonise my Uncle Abraxas by telling him I wished to spend time with you."

"I know that you don't agree with what people say about the Malfoys as they are your family, but I still worry for you..." Lily said.

"I worry more about the day that I have to choose a side. What's more important to me now is lunch!" I say jumping from the rocking horse. "Let's go grab some Lily, my stomach is eating itself!"

Over a delectable platter of oriental dishes I mentioned my previous day's activities.

"I went and saw my father yesterday."

Lily stopped eating and looked at me in an inquiring manner.

My father Steren Phoenix has been imprisoned in Azkaban for the past seven years, ever since I was eight I have lived with my Aunt Benoit and her husband Abraxas Malfoy. My father was sentenced to life in Azkaban due to his endeavours to develop targeted curses. That is to say, curses that no matter where they aimed still find their targets. Unfortunately he practised this on people and people became permanently maimed.

"He didn't seem to recognise me... I think he may have thought I was his mother... well he called me an 'evil tree enchantress' so I think he means my mother... my Aunt doesn't want me to go back. She says it is better I have the memories of a caring father whose failings were his disregard for laws and nature." I said sadly.

"Seems harsh" Lily remarked.

"Perhaps it is for the best... after all I was a curse delivered upon him after he had cut down my mother's tree." I paused, "more importantly Lily, it looks as though next year I can go back to Phoenix's Nest and live by myself... and you can come and stay!"

"Oh, Jez that sounds like a wonderful idea! I can't wait..." Lily enthused.

I smiled; anytime I was away I missed my best friend's enthusiasm for life. The first time I had meet her enthusiasm is what struck me to venture into her welcoming friendship.

_"Where have you been smelly? Come and meet my new friends!" an eleven year old Sirius screamed at me when I boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time._

_"Oh, young Black?" my Aunt called from the platform._

_"Yes Missus Malfoy?" He replied "It is always lovely to see you."_

_"Such a sweet boy Walburga!" my Aunt remarked to Sirius's mother who was looking on._

_"Yes he will make a fine Syltherin, this son of mine." Walburga replied._

_"Young Black, look after my niece for me, don't let her associate with the wrong type, you know how she gets... talks and touches anything that girl!"_

_"Don't worry Missus Malfoy, I've got Jez covered!" he cried as he dragged me off._

_"How can you have friends already?" I asked._

_"Unlike you, McSmelly, people like me on sight!"_

_"Not true, Lucifer doesn't like you and stop calling me Smelly!"_

_"But you do smell! You smell like girl!"_

_He pushed open a compartment door to reveal three boys and a girl. "Jez" he said dragging me into their sights "this is James who you've meet this is Remus... his dad work's at the Ministery with James's and this is Peter, he's a Pettigrew and this, well her I've never seen before..."_

_The stood up and offered us her hand "I'm Lily Evans"._

_"I am very pleased to make all of your acquaintances my name is Jezebel." I began in the fashion of a child repeating lines that they have been taught; I curtseyed lightly and continued "I hope that we will all become good friends." They just stared at me, until Sirius stepped forward and said "She's a Phoenix." The three boys nodded like they understood my introductionary behaviour now._

_"Are you really a bird?" the girl, Lily asked._

_I just looked at her confused, once more Sirius stepped forward and explained "No her family are the Phoenixes, look she has even bought the family crest" he held up Fawkes' cage who looked so terrible so close to his dying day._

_"Surely you know about the Phoenixes?" the boy, Peter said in disbelief._

_"I think I read the name in a history of magic book... they were once royalty right, but their power was taken from them?" Lily said looking about, until the boy, Remus said softly "You aren't from a magically family are you? Are you a muggle-born?"_

_"Yes!" Lily said excitedly "Exactly! It was such a surprise! I can't wait to see some magic!"_

_As if he had heard Fawkes burst into flames. Watching the shocked face of Lily, I said to her "I've never meet a muggle born before... I think I will make you my friend!"_

And from that day I was true to my word, not matter how many times it was explained to me that she wasn't a pureblood, and not one of 'us' I continued to be her friend because I could not find a person so full of hope and enthusiasm as her.

"What?" she said as I seemed to stare out into space.

I shook my head and smiled "I better get going; my Aunt wants to take me shopping this afternoon for dress robes."

"Oh yes" she enthused "the Easter Ball that's been planned, can't wait! I went to Diagon Alley with Mum yesterday to get my robes... don't get green... I wouldn't want us to clash with one another!"

"Hmm, I'll probably get grey or lilac like usual... my Aunt thinks I look better in those shades..." I reply

"Well I suppose it does highlight your pale skin and contrast nicely with your light eyes." Lily replied critically.

We paid and as I worked down the street to her house, where I would use the fireplace to return to Malfoy Manor. "So how many times has James asked you out now?" I smiled.

"Five times now, I really don't understand it. We were never really friends, not after I found out how he treats Severus... why would he think to go out with me or that I would even go with him?"

I hugged Lily one last time before I Flooed back to the Malfoy's.

I stumbled out of the fireplace to find Lucifer reading.

"You didn't go to the Underwood's did you?" he drawled without even looking up from his book.

"Sure I did" I replied brushing ash from my clothes "Just like you came back straight after dropping Narcissa off."

He glanced up at me "You dance to a dangerous tune cousin of mine."

**OKAYS, OKAYS... something a different isn't it? So if you have any comments and whatnot feel free... I've got this story written in chunks already but it may take a while to fill in the inbetweens of said chunks... but it's gonna be a long one!**


	2. Chapter 2

** Alrighties kiddies! Get ready for the second instalment! Usual claptrap... I don't own... wish I did... okays, but once again if anyone has issues or would really love to burn my story let us know... the worst that can happen is that I take your advice on board and change slightly... or I'll just abuse you back... either way!**

"So there's this ball at Easter and I was wondering..."

"No."

"Harsh but fair Prongs, you tried, you failed, and you go." Sirius said as he clapped James on the back as he attempted to steer him away.

"But I didn't even finish asking..." James trailed off as he was pushed towards the other boys who were involved in very loud game of exploding snap. I smiled and turned towards Lily, "Tad cruel not to hear him out don't you think?"

She looked up from the parchment she was scribbling on, "Jez... I try to be nice, really I do, but going out with him would be like I applaud everything he does... the fights he gets into, the pranks he pulls... I'm a prefect; it's alright for Remus he is able to find the middle ground in the situation being both friend and prefect."

"Okay I get what you are saying, but firstly he only asked you to the Ball and secondly he asked you out before you were a prefect plenty of times... I think it's more that you just don't want to go out with him... you don't need to make up reasons, I get it. To you, being with James Potter just doesn't feel right."

"Hmmm well I'd like to think I have reasons, so just leave me with that yeah?" Lily laughed before turning back to her parchment. She scribbled something more before quickly looked back up at me.

"What?"

"Well I'm just thinking what if no other guy asks me out because they're scared of Potter?" Lily whispered.

I looked over at the boys playing in the corner and then back at Lily, "Well, let's be honest Lily, if a boy is too scared to ask you because of James then he probably was not worth going out with in the first place, right?" she nodded, "And if you're that desperate why don't you ask out a boy...?"

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that!" Lily laughed. "But Jez, you don't seem overly concerned by it?"

"It's a month away" I shrugged "... and I have a date..."

"What!"

The whole common room freezes as Alice Underwood screams out the words "What! Jezebella Phoenix has a date for the Ball?"

Uncomfortably I answered quietly "Yeah well it's not a date is it? It's a partner for the Ball... two different things..."

Lily glared at the boys who had abandoned their snap game to watch the unfolding of girl politics, she grabbed my hands to pull me in closer, meanwhile Alice and Careen had come to sit with us to gossip.

"Who, when?" Lily asked.

"Harold Hudson, and this afternoon in the library." I answered.

"Harold Hudson?" Lily smiled.

"Head boy...nice..." Alice said with Careen nodding approvingly behind her.

"That loser Hudson?" Sirius yelled from the couch "Seriously you could do a lot better than that Jez!"

Slightly annoyed I snapped back at him "Yeah, well at least he doesn't have to show me any body parts to hold my concentration!"

"The girls I go out with are interesting!"

"Really? What's Melissa's favourite hobby?" the girls behind me all nodded in unison... let's see him answer this.

He looked a bit confused for a second before answering "Quiddich? Oh seriously who actually cares? She's fucking HOT!" I'm pretty sure we all gave him the shallow man look because he then said angrily "Oh, well stuff you girls, you're standards for Mister Perfect are too high, you'll all end up spinster aunts to my many bastard children!"

"You could change that Evans... just..." started James

"No! And continue that game somewhere else! Some of us are trying to study... life changing exams at the end of the year Potter... don't know whether your foresight goes beyond next week, but you may consider doing some study!" Lily huffed angrily grabbing a book to find a passage.

"I'll get onto it Evans... it's just right now..."

"He has a life!" Sirius finished. But with that the boys slowly filed out of the room up to their dormitory.

"They're stupid... I just hope that one day they grow a brain and then they'd be smart and cute!" Careen commented and then turned back to me "So did Alice tell you asked her?"

I turned and raised an eyebrow at Alice "Well?"

She blushed a pretty pink before answering "Frank Longbottom..."

I smiled, I had seen it coming for a while now, "What is he like?" I asked softly. Lily continued to pretend to read intently, but she was secretly listening too.

"Well," Alice began "He is really intense about everything... I think his parents put a lot of pressure on him... you know only son and all. But do you know what his goal is? He wants to be an Auror... and not in the usual way that boys do, you know... 'I want to be an Auror so that I can kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' but he said he just wants 'to help in any way that I can...' I mean that's different right?"

Careen and I nodded before I replied softly "I doubt any Auror would be able to kill him... he has harnessed power that is different from anything I have ever felt before..."

Lily gave up her pretence of reading and said "You've meet him haven't you? It's the Malfoy's? They're his followers aren't they? Please Jez... I know that you trust and don't want to see the bad in people... but this is bad!"

"He hasn't been at the Malfoy's for a long time... it was a while ago when he didn't seem that radical..." I saw Lily's scared expression and added "Lily... I do not always understand or have clear boundaries, but if someone was to hurt you or those I care for... I would fight them with every power I had."

"I know... its strange isn't it? You're the pureblood Princess, and I'm the muggle-born in need of protection, but somehow I feel like I need to protect you, like you're an innocent or something!" Lily said with a tight smile.

There was a moment of silence before Alice joked "Innocent? She snagged Hudson! You don't do that by being innocent!"

** Just setting a bit of a scene with characteristics of people that I feel are often neglected in stories... obviously I am focusing more on Jez... this is her story after all! If anyone has a character that they want to see featured from the era feel free to comment and I'll see if I can squish them in or thrust them into the limelight!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Usual... don't own, want to... but sadly... fate. Oh and feel free to give any advice!**

"_Will she be okay?" I asked Madam Pomfrey hesitantly looking down at my friend. She appeared okay, breathing normally and everything but after everything that had happened the previous night..._

"_She'll be fine. What she really needs is a chance to relax and recover"_

_I nodded and continued to linger at my friend's bedside._

"_That means that you have to leave Miss Evans alone Miss Phoenix..."_

The sight of girls before any formal event whether it is a date at Hogsmede or dinner with relatives is always the same. Mania with makeup littered across tables, hair constantly being rearranged, dresses thrown about.

"Jez, you're not even changed!" Careen exclaimed in a slightly hysterical manner.

I shrugged, we still had an hour before the Ball even began and "My Aunt told me that real women keep men waiting..."

"Just at least put on your dress robes Jez." Lily said patiently before Careen could say anything. Alice wasn't paying attention to anything but the charm she had trying to perform to grow her hair longer.

"Is that really what you're wearing?" Careen exclaimed when I came over to the mirror to see myself in my clothes. I had on robes of grey and a gun metal blue, cut in an aristocratic style with scalloped cuffs and a laced neck.

"I don't know Careen..." Alice said giving me the once over, "It does work for her, I mean the colours highlight the pale skin and set nicely against the light eyes, the brown hair makes her look even more lost... wait try this." She flicked her wand and my waist length hair formed itself into and elegant bun with stands coming out in a fashion that suggested that little effort had to go into making me look good, she nodded "and the old fashioned dress looks like something you must have pulled from a family closet from medieval times... adds to the Phoenix Princess mystic."

I shook my head "the dressmaker said that she had missed making dresses for Phoenix women... she looked like she was 500 years old... but she put a lot of effort into this dress so how could I not be happy with it?"

Lily approached me, a vision in shimmering green dress robes that changed shades as she moved and the material caught the light. She also had her hair up, twisted into a braided coil at the back. She grabbed my chin and whispered an incantation; she nodded "Perfect."

It wasn't too much make up; the charm she had performed on me was simply to highlight my eyes, lips and cheeks. I turned to the girls smiling "Thank you. But as you can see we still have forty minutes and I will only leave in an hour to..."

"Keep the boys waiting, yes I know." Lily smiled, "I'll wait with you."

"No Lily I could not ask you to do that, I just think that my Aunt must have had a reason to advise me to do this..." I didn't want her to wait; she was to go with Tudor Harris, a sixth year Ravenclaw. I didn't think much of him before he had asked Lily, but he had certainly shown courage to have asked her one morning at breakfast in front of the entire school.

"Well I am behind on my study for Herbology... so I'll just use the time to read the chapter we were set on walking pus roots." Lily smiled and sifted through her school books.

"Well I don't want to keep Frank waiting." Alice said cheerfully as she left. Careen waved us goodbye as she left too.

When we did venture out into the Great Hall we were confronted with both Harold and Tudor. "Sorry to keep you waiting boys... we were just getting ready" Lily said smoothly.

Tudor smiled looking her up and down "Don't mention it, it was worth it."

Overall the night was quiet pleasant, the Great Hall had been decorated to resemble a scene from the 19th century with a space cleared for dancing and an enchanted orchestra. Lily had remarked that it reminded her of a scene from _Pride and Prejudice. _Tudor treated Lily with the respect and courtesy she deserved and for his efforts he was glared at by James the entire night who completely ignored his date in favour of monitoring Lily. Harold was pleasant enough but I got the impression he was less interested in what I had to say and was rather more concerned in making sure everyone saw me with him.

He was happy to dance and thankfully he was not a bad dancer... if only he would focus more on the music and less on looking around to catch his friend's eyes.

"Excuse me, may I?"

I could see that Harold was about to say that he did mind so I quickly cut in "Of course Sirius."

I could tell Harold was slightly insulted, but I was slightly annoyed that he had sought to us me and display me as a status symbol.

Sirius spun me around and considering we had been taught to dance together by both my Aunt and even his own Mother at times we were in perfect unison with one another. "Hudson is a fool... you should have listened to me." Sirius whispered.

"I expected nothing more out of him than a partner for the Ball." I calmly replied staring up at Sirius's face as he calmly directed me around the floor.

"Shame..." he drawled glancing down to briefly smile at me "I expect he wanted much more... from now on you can't go to these things unless I am you're partner."

"While that is very chivalrous of you... I doubt Melissa will appreciate that and I doubt that I like being told what to do!" I said in reply.

He drew his brows together and quickly said "Melissa and I have grown apart."

"What you mean to say is she dumped you because she wanted to be more to you than a play thing?" I said lightly.

"There is only one who is not a 'play thing' I make that clear from the beginning to these girls but... they all think that they can change me..." he said sadly.

"I am sure that if you are meant to be with this 'one' then it will work out and who knows... perhaps you will discover that one of your 'play things' was actually the 'one'. You are young Sirius, this is not the time to be caught up in sadness over love or any emotion." I said.

"And you my dear, are incredibly old because how else would you know such things?" he laughed.

"Perhaps..." I softly reply.

"Let's go outside." He suggested. I nodded and we left the dance floor, I felt bad for leaving Harold, but at the same time I knew I would be unable to be his trophy all night.

We talked of menial things from our childhood, people we knew. He was the boy I knew before school began, but he had also matured into a flirty, suave teenager who delighted in entertaining women. But he still remained a dear friend through all that time.

"What's that?" he suddenly said cocking his head to the side. I looked at him, I knew his secret, I had sensed when he, James and Peter had changed, just as I had sensed when I first encountered Remus his secret. I knew Sirius's hearing was greater than any human's could ever be.

He growled at the back of his throat and dragged me along the path until we were revealed to my cousin and other Slytherins 'playing' with a second year Hufflepuff girl.

"Did you honestly think that I would have asked you to the ball on anything but a dare?" said one I recognised as McNabb. She struggled as they laughed holding her in a magical bind.

"Stop!" Sirius yelled from next to me whipping out his wand.

"Oh, hello Black... Phoenix... don't worry Black I get it... you want to have a go at some of this too?" McNabb calmly replied.

"Get Fucked!" Sirius yelled sending a curse McNabb's way.

"What the...?" McNabb yelled as Lucifer deflected the curse, the curse hit the fountain which cracked and the top fell into a clump of bushes. The sound of a muffled 'oww' was heard.

"Nice Black." Lucifer said with a nod, "I didn't have such high expectations of you, but I suggest you leave before the staff reach here." And with that he and the other Slytherins left and the small Hufflepuff scampered away.

Curious Sirius and I edged around the fountain to find that the fountain had fallen on Lily and her date Tudor who had been enjoying a very private moment.

Sirius turned to me "Let's not tell James how we found them yeah?"

"It's a shame." I shrugged "Such a special moment... only to be crushed by a fountain." I approached, Tudor was fine... just very embarrassed. Lily on the other hand had been knocked out and I suspected a few fractured bones.

"Help me Sirius." I said "We'll take them to the hospital wing before people can see them like this."

He nodded and scooped up my best friend, while I helped Tudor to make the distance to the hospital wing.

Unfortunately the line was down the hall with numerous cases of hexing and curses from angry partners had rendered it necessary that a number of boys seek medical aid.

Sirius turned to me, "Girls are always over reacting."

"Hey Sirius you're back! Which girl did you piss off this time?" someone yelled in the line.

I smiled at Sirius's embarrassed flush.

**Another chappie done... hopefully this story is picking up for you guys... it's all very skimmy at the moment and I get that that can be frustrating, but remember they're only in fifth year... there's plenty more to come so I don't want to get bogged down in the details at the beginning.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I know that I haven't updated in a loooong time. So sorry to all the people who are enjoying the story (or hating it!). It may be a while between updates, but I will endeavour to work like a worker ant for his queen, so hopefully the quality (if there is any!) stays pure! Thanks also for all the messages of encouragement. Oh I wish I was a millionaire who owned Harry Potter… Sadly I don't…**

"I don't like you in that colour." Sirius commented as we made our way back to Gryffindor Tower. Lily was to stay overnight as her bones healed themselves. I would have stayed with her too but Madam Pomfrey had kicked me out.

I looked down at my dress, "My Aunt said that I looked lovely…"

Sirius snorted "I'd expect nothing less from the psychotic, pure blood Nazi!"

"Sirius please, she means well! She is my father's sister after all!"

He glanced apologetically at me briefly before turning to the front again, "Jez… shit, Jez, I'm sorry but these people… look, I'm not going to ruin your night fighting an old fight with you." With that he waved his wand at my dress.

I ran my hands over the now crimson silk. I looked up at Sirius who was admiring his handy work. "I always thought that you should wear more cheerful colours than those drab clothes we were always dressed in."

I smiled, secretly curious to how my Aunt would react to the change to the no doubt outrageously priced garment. "Well," I laughed, "at least we know you have potential as a tailor when you fail your OWLs!"

"Shut it you!" he laughed as he lightly pushed me.

"Don't start with me Sirius Orion Black! I could take you!" I said before taking a swing at him. He let me connect with his shoulder, taking the impact and giving himself the opportunity to grab my arm and pin it behind my back. The angle allowed him to force me to the floor.

"Surrender?" I heard him breath onto my head.

"Never!" I cried valiantly before whipping my head back and cracking his chin upwards. He made a noise. But hardly a sound when I elbowed him in the groin. He just went down silently, while I took it all in standing victorious.

"You are such a little bitch!" he hissed through teeth clenched in pain,

"Language Pads!" a voice came from down the corridor. "That's no way to speak to a lady… oh, wait, it's just you isn't it Jez!" James joked.

"If I was you I'd shut my smart mouth Jimmy-boy, unless you want some of what he got." I warned in a low voice.

"You know, the only time you seem focused and actually on planet earth is when you're fighting… and don't call me Jimmy!"

I squared up to James "So how was your date? Lily had a great night!"

"Oh, you little…"

"Remember your own advice Prongs." Sirius said quickly but still slightly uneasy as he stood between us, "and you" he said to me "don't bait him, he had a terrible time and you know it!"

I rolled my eyes but backed down. I looked James in the eye and held out my two fingers in the peace symbol.

He looked at my hand and then at Sirius and then again at the fingers. "Err Sirius, why is she doing that?"

Sirius sighed, "Okay probably my fault. When we were young I showed her the peace gesture, but she seems to think that you have to touch the gesture with another for there to be true peace." James still looked confused. "Look man, just make the peace sign and touch your fingertips to hers and it will all be over."

Reluctantly he came around Sirius and did as he was told. I let my hand slip back to my side and we continued in silence back to the Tower.

"So Lily is in the hospital wing." I informed James.

"What? Why?" he said spinning around in a panic.

"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing major, she was just crushed by a fountain and has to be in the hospital wing overnight." I replied, continuing on my way.

Sirius had grabbed a hold of James and continued to steer him towards home. "Just leave it Jimmy." I said "she's had enough excitement for one night already!"

"Don't call me jimmy, and what do you mean _enough excitement already_?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Well it's back.**

**As Always… Don't own… so don't sue!**

"Aren't you nervous about the exams at all?" Lily asked Careen who was flipping through _Witch Weekly. _Careen looked up briefly and smirked "Not really. As long as I write my name on the parchment I'm bound to pass."

"Pass? Pass? That's all you want? The marks you get could determine your entire future!" Lily spluttered. She had instigated study sessions and as it was only the lead up to Easter and the June exam period was still a mirage in the distance I could understand Careen's lack of enthusiasm.

"I only need to pass. My father will get me a job in the ministry until I find a husband and then I'll just live in luxury… you are welcome to come and visit anytime you want Lily." Careen smirked again.

"Why did you even come if you aren't going to study?" Lily said in a huff.

Careen closed her magazine and placed it on the table, Enchantress Ella struck a pose on the cover and then another in silent giggles. "Alice is spending so much time with Frank now… it pains me to say it but you two are my next best option. Dunno what she sees in him really, far too quiet and boring for my taste!"

"I like Frank," I said quietly then added, "And what about the man that you like?"

Lily looked at me sharply in confusion, as did Careen, "What on earth are you talking about Jez?" she laughed, "Seriously you need to focus, you're off in space land!"

I shrugged and went back to rudimentary Ruins, it's none of my business if Careen won't admit her true feelings, and it'd just be a shame if she can't get over her prejudice. I believe that they would truly be happy together.

"You know I can cut you back Jez," Careen smirked; I looked up expectantly "Sirius Black."

"What about Jez and Sirius?" Lily said quickly, whenever one of the Potter gang were mentioned she is always quick on the uptake.

Careen just smirked and looked at me, "What?" I said closing the book, "You think that cuts? You are not the first person to make a joke about Sirius and I. the truth is he was one of the only ones when we were younger who didn't treat me like a princess or a freak. I value his friendship immensely."

"And what does Regulus have to say about that?" Careen queried.

This question stumped me. Insinuations about Sirius and me, I had encountered before, but Regulus had never been linked to me in that way. "I don't understand" I said in confusion.

Careen took in a breath and sat up straighter, "You can't deny that Regulus has always been jealous of his brother's friendship with you? And now that he's older and makes puppy dog eyes at you, I guess that his jealousy of friendship has turned into a jealously of more intense feelings…"

I snorted in amusement "Careen, Careen, Careen… it really is a slow news week if people have began to create rumours about poor Regulus. Regulus is also a dear friend of mine. He has never even hinted at anything more than friendship with me! Plus, he's twelve!"

"It's about the age when feelings like that begin to develop…" Careen remarked wisely.

I just looked at her in amusement. Lily however, started to gather her books together "Well I'm not getting any work done here, listening to Careen's insane rumour mongering, I will see you both back at the Tower!" and with that she left us.

Careen too began to gather her possessions, "I should probably go see if Alice has detached herself from Frank yet, Bye now."

I continued with my study. Ruins and History fascinated me. My father had once told me that to truly be powerful in the present, you had to know and understand the past. His sage advice has served me well and allowed me to discover spells and charms long forgotten but none the less powerful. I had even stumbled across a few curses that I stored away for possible use in the future. I loved my father immensely, he lavished his love and attention upon me, but his time in prison had worn him down and he was now just a shell of his former self. He didn't even recognise my face the last time I saw him.

"So you value my friendship, but not my body?" Sirius said in a sulky tone as he slid into Lily's now vacant seat across from me.

"You know Sirius; it's not polite to ears drop on other's conversations." I said continuing to read.

"And have I ever been known as polite?" Sirius said teasingly, I rewarded his efforts with a brief smile, "But Jez, Careen does have a point. I too think that brother dearest is growing into a man and rewarding you with his love…"

"Really Sirius? I thought that you would be the last person to buy into that nonsense!" I said putting my book down for a second time to give him my full attention.

He shrugged while reaching across to flip through my ruin book. "More importantly Jez, you keep this up" and he waved the book, "and you'll end up in Azkaban keeping Daddy company."

"It wasn't the spells; it was the fact that he tested it on people." I objected.

"Jez, I know you mean well and your father… well… he was a little crazy, you have to admit, but I just don't want to see a good person go to Azkaban, when we could use you out here." Sirius said in a serious voice of concern.

I looked at him closely before replying "Sirius, I'm not going to Azkaban. No cage like that could ever hold me."

"So what, you can do what hundreds of evil witches and wizards have failed to do before you? Break out of Azkaban?" Sirius scoffed.

"It's true; I discovered it a while ago. I was always going to Azkaban with my Aunt. When we would get back she would always go on about how horrible she felt, like she was drained and that she needed time to recover before going back there. But I never felt like that. I said this to Lucifer once, and he said that he wasn't surprised and that a dementor's powers only work on humans." I said.

Sirius looked at me quickly, "Jez, you are human."

I shook my head, "No Sirius, you don't get it do you? My mother wasn't human. She would never be affected by a dementor's power. So her resistance offers me protection against them." I watched as he turned this over in his head, and saw the final penny fall into place. I quickly grabbed his hand and forced him to look at me.

Pulling him closer I whispered "Sirius I know that you understand now. That you get it. Azkaban can't hold you…"

"What are you…"

"Shhh… look you don't have to confess or anything, just know that I know your secret and that of your friends… even the moon related one. I've always known. You know that I am more sensitive to other's powers than a normal person. But Sirius, know this, this ability is a wildcard for you. Keep it in reserve for the most desperate of times, when there is no other option, because if they were to lock you up, I would bust you out myself!" I let go of his hand.

He just looked at me a little shocked. He then gathered himself together "Does Lily know?"

I shrugged "Dunno… maybe but I doubt it and would it be so bad if she knew. She's probably the least likely to make a harsh judgement…"

Sirius let out his bark of a laugh and sat back putting his arms behind his head, "I was thinking that if James annoyed her too much that she would have no qualms about tipping of the relevant authorities about what we did… you know… to ourselves."

I smiled, "I think you are safe from the authorities where Lily is concerned."

We sat in silence for a minute or two before I asked "so where are the others?"

"Umm… dunno actually. Remus is studying somewhere in here, that's who I came with, but James and Peter." He shrugged, "I have absolutely no idea."

"You are going home for Easter?" I asked, changing the subject and was rewarded with the 'get real!' expression.

"Sorry, sorry!" I laughed, "Just a question!"

'It's cool. No James and I are going to go leprechaun hunting in Ireland."

"Leprechaun hunting… isn't that illegal?"

"Gonna dob us in?"

I looked at him seriously, "No of course not, but the last person I know that went creature hunting was my father and we know how that turned out, he got loaded with me!"

"Well I'm definitely not having a leprechaun baby!"

As he was saying this, Remus sat down next to him. "Don't tell me you got a girl pregnant Sirius!" he said outraged as he gently placed his books onto the table.

"No, no, I was just discussing creature hunting and its consequences with Jez here." Sirius said merrily.

Remus just nodded and continued with his studies. After a minute or two I started to pack up, "I better go guys, good luck with the study." They both just nodded in agreement, Sirius gave a slight wave as I left.

As I rounded a corner on my way back to the Tower I heard a voice call to me from behind. I turned to find my cousin striding down the hall with Bellatrix Black in tow.

"We need to talk," Lucifer said and then motioned to an empty classroom.

Bellatrix took a seat and I just sat on a desk. Lucifer just paced as he talked, "Cousin, we have always given you a bit of leeway you know. But it can't continue. You are far too old now to pretend not to know or care what is going on. That demonstration that you and Black interrupted at Christmas is just one of the incidents I'm referring to"

I must have looked confused since Bellatrix then joined in to say "Jezebel, despite your… mother… many still view you as the last of the Phoenix's. What you do… your actions have the power to influence others." I noticed for the first time the tone that Bellatrix took with me. There were many like her, who spoke in a soft, calm way like you would speak to a child but politeness was thrown in there as well as if she did not want to disrespect me; like I held power or authority. "Your friendship" she continued, "With the Mud blood, it has to stop."

"You want me to stop being friends with Lily?" I asked in a slightly panicked voice.

"Cousin," Lucifer said softly, he too was using the reasoning tone, "I know this will be hard and you might not understand…"

"I understand just fine Lucifer! You may think me a simpleton who does not understand politics, but I understand better than anyone what is going on around me! This war you are all creating, it will end in disaster! You may win, succeeding to drain all of the Muggle blood from the magic world's veins, but you will kill us all within decades. We will die out without them!" I said this quickly and angrily standing up.

They both seemed taken aback, but Bellatrix was the first to recover, "Next year, if you speak to the filthy Mud blood I will see her strung up and you will have no more friends as to befriend a Phoenix you have to be of Pureblood or pay the price."

I looked at Lucifer in shock, Bellatrix had always struck me as slightly deranged, but surely she couldn't mean this?

"This is the world you live in cousin."

** Hopefully this will tide some over as I will not be able to update again for another month! Gay, I know… but when I do update, expect more developments as Jezebel's world becomes divided and she is forced to take a side!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Never owned... wishing so much that I did!**

It had been weeks since Lucifer and Bellatrix pulled me aside, telling me to get rid of my best friend or she would face the consequences.

I was between a rock and a hard place, either I could simply dissolve our friendship and cause Lily (and myself) pain or I could ignore my cousin and his girlfriend's sister and Lily would be scarred both physically and mentally. Probably never wanting to speak to me again anyway.

I absentmindedly stroked Fawkes as I considered the girl studying by the window. The last light of the day was streaming through the glass pane, illuminating her hair like a fiery beacon. The weather was warming up, as was the pressure for the rapidly approaching exams and despite having studied for months, Lily was in a great deal of panic.

"Oi, Jez!" Careen called coming through the porthole, I looked away from Lily and forced a smile on my face. Careen was waving a piece of parchment in the air.

"Here" she said slightly out of breath, "Dumbledore said to give you this."

I quickly scanned the letter:

_To Jezebel Grace Elizabeth Phoenix,_

_We regret to inform you that Anthony Marcus George Phoenix of Phoenix Nest has passed away peacefully while in custody at the Great Britain Region's Magical Goal, Azkaban. As his sole surviving heir you are now entitled to all property owned by the departed._

_Have a good day._

_Ministry of Magic's Births, Deaths and Marriages._

I looked up at Careen, something must have shown on my face as she suddenly looked concerned "Oh my Gawd Jez, what's happened?" her frantic cry drew the attention of the entire common room including the studios Lily Evans.

"Jez?" Lily asked softly as I just shook my head and looked down as I felt my throat go dry. She quickly got up and came towards me (she was so concerned, how could I ever hurt her?) but before she got to me I felt the letter get yanked from my hands. Sirius scowled as he read the cold lines.

"It's amazing that he lasted as long as he did... you know this Jezebel" he said softly looking at me with those hypnotic grey eyes.

"He had too much soul" I whispered gently. He reached down to gently wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Dumbledore said that you had to come and see him" Careen said uneasily breaking up the calm that had descended between Sirius and I.

"Are you alright Jez?" Lily asked searching my face.

"I have to go see Dumbledore" I said.

"I'll go with..." Lily offered before Sirius cut in "No, I will."

I looked at them both "No. I'll go alone."

Going up to Dumbledore's office was not a new experience, but for once I didn't feel the trepidation of punishment that usually associated itself with the revolving stairs.

To be honest I don't remember a great deal. I remember that he was as sympathetic as always and when he handed me my father in a jar I was furious, but he calmed me. Clearly I remember him saying "isn't it best that he was burned Jezebel? Now his body can never be used for evil."

I had heard of curses which animated corpses and I'd also read of ancient potions and spells which require some physical part of a dead sorcerer. I realised that Dumbledore feared that my father's powers may be coveted by Voldemorte.

"Do you actually think that he would use my father's corpses? Even some of his supporters would question that wouldn't they?" I asked

"It's possible..." he remarked observing me over his glasses, "what do you think Jezebel?"

"I honestly have no idea."

**Thanks for the reviews MisguidedSanity & PureAngelEyes. I'm taking so long on this story, I know! I love writing it but I have minimal time... so sad. I'm also so sorry that it's short, but I hope it's better than nothing. I will attempt to get another chapter out in a day or two!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hopefully this is the more interesting beginning when Jez becomes less grey and more white... I can control that at least as she is completely my character!**

The very idea that some of my father's friends would use his empty body for nefarious purposes upset me greatly. To think that the very people that once fawned my father and coveted his attention would be so disrespectful to his memory just to gain power made me sick and I began the realise for possibly the first time what it was that made Sirius so upset and angry at the way we were brought up and the people that surround us.

It just was another layer to the demand that I only be friends with purebloods. I don't really have many goals in life... I'm not quite sure what I want to be when I 'grow up'. I once threw around the idea of a curse breaker but that was quickly quashed by my Aunt who said sharply "Phoenix's do not work for filthy goblins!" and that was the end of it. Careen jokingly remarked once that I don't even need to worry about the future, I have more than enough for a hundred people to live off; all I need concern myself with is producing a baby. Which brings me to just about my only goal or desire... to have a child and love it, watching them grow, taking them to school, being hugged. My point is that since I have no grand ambitions surely I could be left to my own devices, be friend with whoever I choose.

Apparently not.

It wasn't until Christmas that I found a solution. Everyone was giving me a wide birth at home since I cursed Lucifer for asking if he could look through my father's old spell books. Ironically the curse was one of the spells from the book. It was assumed that I was so distraught that I couldn't bear to let them go, but in reality I knew that Lucifer would use the spells on my friends.

The Blacks came around for dinner, but oddly there was no Sirius. I asked Walburga about this and she just told me that he was sick. Sceptical, I send an owl, but never received a reply.

After dinner I was playing exploding snap with Regulus in the library. Andromeda was watching over us laughing. She was the year above me at Hogwarts, a Slytherin who struggled at family gatherings in a similar manner to Sirius. She was almost nothing like Bellatrix and certainly wasn't prim and proper like Narcissa.

Unfortunately Bellatrix also decided to join us and it wasn't long until she started on me about Lily. "Now, you remember our conversation don't you Jezebel?"

I took my eyes away from the game to look at her innocently, "About that Bella, don't you think it would be better that I remain her faithful companion. I mean think about it, after we finish school she will probably disappear and then how will we find her? Better I stay her friend and am therefore connected to their mud blood network. Don't you think?"

Andromeda looked at me with a stunned expression. I just hoped she'd give me a chance to explain before judging me. Regulus kept his head down as he often did when Bellatrix was around and oddly, Bellatrix gave me this immensely proud look.

"Jezebel, sometimes I worry about you, but you are really quite shrewd."

Thankfully Druella came in to collect her daughters at this time and nothing more was said.

So that is how I saved myself from being isolated from my friends by the evil Bellatrix Black, I became a 'double agent' who would occasionally give the pure blood fanatics their small dose of harmless information... like what time the blood traitor Potter usually goes down to breakfast or where that 'whore' Careen was making out with some half blood. By putting people out to them who could defend themselves I rationalised that I was doing the right thing because I was protecting the truly helpless and innocent.

And so the remainder of fifth year passed in a blur. I remember fights and squabbles of girls, numerous curses directed at Potter from Lily and myself taking up with the dashing seventh year, Amos Diggery.

He was sweet, don't get me wrong, but he treated me like a princess. Any banter that came my way from friends was immediately 'rectified' by Amos' fists; it was getting to the stage that my friends would avoid me when he was about. I began to spend less and less time with him until the end of the school year when he asked me to meet his parents I had little to no emotional attachment and was quiet happy to tell him in front of the entire Great Hall that I didn't realise that we were still going out. Much to the delight of my friends who were on the floor laughing and even my Slytherin brethren who delighted in me 'bullying' anyone, particularly the goody-two-shoes Amos.

Sirius continued to go through girls like tissues and I began to suspect that he was using women as a way of taking out his obvious frustrations from home. I hadn't spoken to him about the holidays but the fact that I didn't see him then and that he returned to school gaunt and untidy meant that something was amiss. I tried not to pry, but I couldn't help but worry.

Remus continued to struggle by in life; determinately focused on surviving and remaining unnoticed. Unfortunately that was exactly what Careen wanted Remus to do... notice her. Naturally she continued to attempt to gain his attention by creating a pose of boys to follow her around and regrettably earned herself a rather disreputable reputation.

Lily aced her exams, I have no doubt, but continued to stress even after they were over. Her relationship with Severus Snape also disintegrated after he called her a mud blood while James and Sirius were harassing him. She didn't want to talk about it, but I knew she was extremely hurt. I tried to get her to talk to him which she did. Once.

Frank Longbottom continued to woe Alice, much to the Gryffindor girl's delight.

Peter remained as strange as ever, but he seemed to be making greater efforts to be known not as 'the boy who hangs around with Potter, Black and Lupin,' but his own person. The boys didn't seem to understand his thirst to be recognised and continued to ridicule and tease him. I began to worry that this could escalate quiet badly.

And finally, I began to realise that there is a war going on out there and very soon I would have to pick a side; my family and childhood friends or my conscience and my new friends.

**Let me know if you hate or like what I'm doing here.**

**XOXO**


	8. Chapter 8

**Trying to make this all work! I have a few days off so smashing out some lines. Good news about J.k.'s new book unfortunately it isn't about the early days of wizard war I... doesn't she realise that's all we care about. But seriously I wish her well and I know that I'll buy her new 'adult novel' (lol) when it comes out.**

I was determined to live at Phoenix's Nest now that it was completely in my possession. I hoped to return with my house elves Nifty and Jiffy, unfortunately I would have to leave Dobby here with the Malfoys as my father had left him to my Aunt in his will. I knew Dobby was unset but he took it much better than I did. "Really Miss, I'm much more able to take working here than Nifty and Jiffy are." As sad as it was, I know he was right. Nifty was terrified of anyone but me and Jiffy had a massive attitude problem and the only reason he hadn't been beaten for his insubordination in the past was due to the fact that he was mine. I suspect that he did get a clout around the ears when I was away but.

The relocation to the Nest had to be put off until my birthday in November when I will turn sixteen and thus be able to inherit. Sirius, the lucky bugger, had just turned sixteen and received a large amount of money from Alphard Black who had died the previous year.

Christmas was uneventful as the Malfoys devoted all their effort to the New Year's celebration which they were holding. I knew that they intended to announce Lucifer's engagement to Narcissa at it and the thought of those two together made me slightly happy as I know that Lucifer and Narcissa genuinely cared for each other.

After being told I was beautiful by a number of scheming mothers who thought that I should meet their sons, I made a break for the balcony which overlooked the immaculately kept grounds of the manor. I sighed and smoothed my dress as I looked out (I had made it a condition of my attendance that I wear the same blood red one I wore to the ball at Hogwarts, my Aunt conceded reluctantly).

"You look enchanting"

I turned and smiled "I always look beautiful Sirius Black... you should remember that!"

He took my mocking tones in good humour. He spreads his hands wide in defeat and approached me saying "Stop teasing me Princess and I will remember."

"Princess? That's what my father used to call me." I smiled broadly at the memory.

"Hmm, I remember, the first time I was brought around to play with you, your father said to me, 'you hurt my Princess in anyway boy... and I will hurt you a hundredfold' his words have haunted me to this day!" Sirius laughed in his bark like manner.

"Well I suppose if I am the Princess then you must be the knight?" I laughed

"Who says I'm here to rescue you Princess? I may be a mere court Jester here for your entertainment!"

"Well you are a fool!" I joke. He gathers my hands to his chest and continues with his silly charade.

"Oh, your Highness, you've wounded your loyal servant deeply... all he wished was to entertain the mysterious mirage who captures his heart... how will I recover?" he pauses and a wicked smile creeps across his face "A kiss perhaps, oh beautiful Princess?"

I pull my hands from him smiling "Go on with you Sirius! There are plenty of pretty girls here for you to flirt with... why are you bothering with me?"

"Because I have seen perfection and now I can have nothing less." He bemoans softly.

"If I kiss you, will you shut up and leave me alone?" I asked exasperated, my plan to avoid the charades of inside has delivered me a charade of my own outside.

He nods eagerly and gingerly I stand on my tippy toes with him leaning his head down. I aim for the cheek and yet somehow he manoeuvres me so I lay a gentle kiss on his lips.

I come away and smile "Wow, you're still a toad!"

He laughs again and leads me to a bench where he sits down next to me. He rubs his face and I notice for the first time how dejected and lost he appears. I touch his shoulder and make him face me "Sirius," I begin "what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Did you hear that Narcissa and Lucifer are going to get married?" he asked.

"I've known for some time now Sirius." I smile "for what it's worth I believe that they genuinely care for each other."

"Oh I don't doubt that. Two pureblood crazies... they're made for each other!" he said cynically "No I'm talking about the fuss that is made whenever this happens... about continuing the cause!"

"So you wouldn't marry me, because of my blood and the fuss that would be made about us?" I ask innocently peering up at him through my eyelashes. He hesitates before answering softly "You're different..."

Surprised I look up quickly. Perhaps Lily was right, perhaps all his flirting with me was not harmless... perhaps there was a motive.

"Sirius" I say carefully, "what is it that you feel for me?"

He swallows harshly and takes my chin in his hand. "What I feel for you Princess. Is something far more intense than any other emotion I have." He kisses me softly on the lips for the second time that evening. I pull him closer towards me and he deepens his actions. This is no clumsy first kiss for either of us; it is the passionate kiss of two people who feel some stronger pull than lust.

We come up for air and he rests his forehead against mine as he plays with my hair and whispers sweetly "You have been my Princess since the day I first meet you and your father warned me not to hurt you." I bought my hand up to grip his and bring it to my lips.

"It must be the essence in the air."

We both stand up suddenly, caught in our moment of intimacy by none other than Wulburga Black.

"Mrs. Black..." I began, while Sirius merely stands there glaring. She disregards us both and approaches her son to envelope him in her arms in the first sign of affection I have ever seen Mrs. Black give her eldest son.

"My darling Sirius, such a disappointment, but to land yourself the last of the Phoenix's... perhaps there is hope for you yet?" she coos as Sirius detangles himself with a look of utter disgust.

"I have not landed myself anything Mother! And if I remember correctly you used to call Jez 'that Phoenix Brat' and now that she is the last of them she is 'that poor little Phoenix girl' seriously Mother some continuity please!" he spits at her angrily, his ranting has brought a crowd to the door but he continues on oblivious "and as for what you seem to have concocted in your imagination, I have only just turned sixteen and I have no intention of 'landing' anyone'!"

I smile sadly and cut him off "probably not a good idea to let me know that you think of me as nothing more than another of your girls Sirius." I turn and leave cutting through the crowd before he can catch me or even reply.

"Heard that Orion's son left the Black's last night...", my Aunt remarked over breakfast "Scorched his name off the tree even."

"Shame..." my Uncle drawled "He had talent despite his blood traitor ways."

I continued to eat my toast, rather than dwelling on the fate of a boy that had insinuated in front of a score of people that I was no more than a passing fancy for him.

**Ok mushy... I know, but think about it mushy stuff happens in real life, there is also a whole heap of drama that goes with every moment in life. I do intent to represent this as best as I can in this story. So burn me all you want, I'll take it all on board but please make sure that it is constructive.**

**XOXO**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's back.**

"So what, you kissed Sirius Black twice and he says that it means nothing then runs away from home?" Lily asked scandalised.

We were all sitting together in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Lily had just returned from her prefect meeting and I was telling them the story that Frank had told Alice who had told Lily and Careen. The three women seemed enthralled by the events of that evening.

"Pretty much, except he kissed me." I paused then added, "Both times"

Careen squealed loudly in delight and Lily continued to look at me like I was to be pitied. Alice just took it all in without emotion.

"Seriously Lily, I'm over it. What he said didn't affect me, true he could have been nicer, but Sirius goes through a lot that we don't know about and while I don't forgive him I certainly won't hate him for taking the opportunity to get back at his mother. It's just a shame it had to be at my expense..." I said sadly.

"So when I snub him now, you won't make me look like an idiot my talking to him?" Lily asked hopefully.

"Yes Lily, I guess I won't be talking to him." I sighed. Now Lily let out the excited Careen squeal.

"More importantly," I said trying to change the subject, "I turn sixteen in November and therefore have the Nest as my own for Christmas... you should all come over for Christmas!"

"Yes, yes, yes and definitely yes!" Careen replied eagerly "I'm not going to lie to you Jez the main reason I pretend to be your friend is so that I get to see inside that old castle!"

I smiled at her joke. "Technically it's more of a fort and you can count me in too Jez, can I bring Frank too?" Alice asked.

"You know what Alice that's a great idea! I can't remember that place ever having a 'happy' gathering. We'll write up a list and make this a proper shin dig!" I said enthusiastically.

"'Shin dig'? I don't think I have ever heard you use such a colloquial term. You are making progress; considering we have only just got you onto using apostrophes to replace letters!" Lily remarks with uncharacteristic banter "But I have to say Jez that does sound like a wonderful idea... one last time we can let our hair down before NEWTS."

"Oh my gosh Lily! They are next year's problem! Can't we just have fun for the sake of having fun?" Careen asked in exasperation. Lily rewarded her with a filthy look.

The girls excitedly started to plan the party and the only input that Jez had was the venue and the theme.

"Muggle?" Lily asked confused, "What sort of them is that? It's like saying turn up to a party in the clothes you wear every day."

"What I was thinking is like muggle clothes, muggle food... I'll even get a spell put on the place so you can't use magic and you have to do everything the muggle way! It'll be great, my family will think that it's a quirky theme and they'll scoff at the 'poor muggles' but I think it could really help to open some people's eyes to the muggle world. Lily, I'm going to need you to take point on this!" I said with determination.

They seemed to consider it. "What do muggles wear to parties anyway?" Alice asked Lily. I smiled; this was exactly what I wanted.

Of course it wasn't long until I ran into Sirius. We had all just come back from the feast and Lily and Remus were leading some nervous first years around the common room.

"Jez... how are you?"

Sirius had come up behind me as I watched the parade of people not much smaller than myself. Lily gave me a pointed look when she saw Sirius try and engage me in conversation.

"Sirius, I can't talk to you. I'm pretty hurt about the way you treated me!" I said quietly not looking at him.

"What?" he said angrily grabbing my arm, "You can't be serious? Did you want me to claim undying love to you in front of my mother?"

"Well of course not! But I don't appreciate being treated like just another girl!"

"Oh, and I wasn't just another boy to you? I saw you that night, meeting every good little pure blood son! You were paraded around like you were about to be sold! Disgusting!"

"Well I'm sorry Sirius that I can't be just like you and run away from my problems!" I spat back angrily, aware that our dispute had attracted the entire attention of the room and not undeservedly, in our entire friendship Sirius and I had never fought like this, let alone in a public arena.

"Oh you can Princess!" he shot back angrily, suddenly the word 'princess' had morphed from being a term of endearment to an insult dripping like poison from his mouth, "you're just too greedy and gutless to do it! You want the best of both worlds! Don't think that we all don't know about you selling Bellatrix information to save you from having to actually pick a side!"

I looked at him finally with tears beginning to prick my eyes. I saw no compassion in his grey eyes and I realised that he saw me as the same as he viewed every other pureblood. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry but, so I said softy "Maybe I'm not as brave as you Sirius."

With that I ran up to the girls dorms and threw myself into bed.

I heard Lily come in later and I pretended to be asleep. I felt so guilty that everyone knew that I had been rating them out to Bellatrix, when really I should have been feeling guilty about what I did! I was just so scared of picking a side because I am afraid that when I do, no one will be there. I have never meet my mother, her tree is still in the grounds of the Nest, with the scars from where my father attempted to cut it down but it is otherwise very healthy so I know she's out there somewhere. She obviously just doesn't want to know me or just has no interest in a half breed child. My own tree was a bonsai my father had tended until I could. He made it into a bonsai so I could carry it around and no one could destroy it. It sits on the windowsill next to my bed at Hogwarts and on the windowsill at the Malfoys.

Once I return to the Nest I am determined to plant her in a bigger pot and then eventually when she is strong enough into the ground. Maybe that would solve my dependency issues. Being free from the pot, I can branch out and take root how I naturally want to and everything will fall into place.

**I like the idea of Jez's life being reflected by the current state of her tree. She's like of princess stuck in the highest room, in the tallest tower of a castle except the knight doesn't want to get his clothes dirty by climbing up there to get her so she has to make to journey of liberation on her own. Y'all can hate on me for it if you like! **

**XOXO**


	10. Chapter 10

**So I am completely blown away by the traffic stats of this story. Here I am thinking that this is a terrible story because all I have is two reviews... and this is my tenth chapter. Very heartbreaking, mainly because I feel like I'm flying blind here. Do guys like how the character development is going? Please, please, please let me know. Criticism, good or bad can only help me grow as a writer!**

**As always I don't own Harry Potter... but I wouldn't mind owning Sirius!**

I busied myself for the following months; I threw myself into my school work and just concentrated on sorting out my future. I had that terrible moment when I walked into McGonagall's office on the first day back and she asked me what I wanted to be after I left Hogwarts and I realised with a slight sick feeling that not having to worry about my future financially had meant that I hadn't even really given my future serious thought particularly after my idea of being a curse breaker had been shot to pieces. In the end I decide to tailor my subjects to the current climate: Defence against the Dark Arts, Potions, Transfiguration, Arithmacy, Charms, etc; but I did indulge myself in Astronomy. You have to have something fun in your life right?

Careen had taken over full time on the Christmas party idea and I was quiet happy to let her take the reins on this one. Besides my initial dictation of the theme I had little input. I did however get her to hold off on sending out invites until I turned sixteen and officially received possession of the Nest. When I received the deed from the Ministry, well not really... the real deed was somewhere in a Museum having been signed by my Royal ancestor. What I received was basically a peace settlement that confided my family's rule to the Nest. Signed by Hector the Horrible the man that lost us those lofty royal heights the parchment was so old I had to handle it with the greatest care.

"So guest list Jez, who were you thinking?" Careen asked.

I lifted my eyes from the dried parchment to look at her. "Well obviously my family and friends..."

"So the entirety of Slytherin basically" Sirius happened to be walking past at that exact moment.

I dropped my eyes in shame. While everyone seemed to be understanding and forgiving about me giving Bellatrix information (James had claimed that it had been excellent duelling practise anyway and he was all too happy to help me protect Lily form Bellatrix and Careen just loved being caught up in any drama) Sirius had made it his duty to constantly remind me.

"Well that's you off the guest list!" Careen said angrily to him, I looked up to catch his who cares look which suddenly made me furious.

"No Careen, give him an invitation after all Sirius Black merely got lost on the way to Slytherin!"

Careen looked like she would rather be anywhere else than caught in a fight between the two of us. I can't blame her; in fact I even braced myself slightly for Sirius' no doubt scathing comeback. Instead I received "Jez, aren't you glad that darling Bellatrix is no longer here, now you don't have to worry about pleasing her by sacrificing your mates!"

I was furious at what he'd said. I got up so violently that I knocked my chair back, "How dare you talk to me like that Sirius Orion Black!" I screamed at him.

He raised his eyebrows and gave a slight snort "Really, Jezebel Grace Phoenix, I'm not going to pander to you. Go find some Slytherins to worship you!"

"You're a fine one to talk about worshippers!" I retorted snidely "What about all those pathetic girls that just follow you around, craving just a moment of attention, a tiny ray of recognition!"

I glared daggers into him and I certainly saw no kindness returned.

"Is it that time of the month already" I heard a boy whisper quietly behind me. I whipped around so fast that my long hair went flying. I locked eyes with Peter Pettigrew, while James was trying unsuccessfully to hide his amusement at the uncharacteristic comment from Peter.

And in that instant I lost all reason. I forgot the necessity of the appearance of using a wand and in no time I had the poor boy spinning in the air screaming in pain and panic. Worst of all his reaction seemed to sooth my hurt. I heard the screams around me as I demonstrated my true power for the first time, it was no obvious that even without a wand I was a force to be reckoned with, but I didn't care. All I was focused on was getting as much pain out of Peter to make me feel better.

I lost eye contact as I was tacked to the ground. I lashed out instinctively and I had to be pulled away from my brawling partner. I looked up from being held by Careen and Remus to see Sirius with blood dripping from a cut above his eyebrow held by James and a seventh year lad. My mind began to clear and I started to panic.

"Peter" I cried in alarm breaking free of my restrainers. I found him on the rug in front of the hearth. The entire room was silent watching us. I reached out a hand to comfort him, but hesitated when he flinched. My arm was grabbed and I was pulled to my feet.

I found myself staring once again into those uncaring grey eyes. Was that a flicker of pity I detected? But it came and went so suddenly, I couldn't be sure. "You've done enough Jezebel!" and in that moment I truly realised what I had done. Those eyes of fear that Peter gave me; they were eyes I usually saw directed at Bellatrix.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I started chanting in panic and Sirius dropped my arm. I felt a great pain or sickness rise up inside me along with the burning pin prick of tears in my eyes and suddenly I was running from the Common Room into the Halls.

I eventually ended up in the Astronomy Tower. Anything to do with astronomy seems to calm me down. As a young child whenever I was becoming too petulant my father would take me outside and point out the stars to me "You see Princess, you're still stuck down here fighting your little battles, but to the people up there you're just another light in the sky. If you stop shining than how will they even know you exist?"

It's strange how the memories of time spent with my father do not bring up tears or even sadness for me. My father was an amazing wizard, but I think, like me, he didn't care about battles, pure blood or muggle born and unfortunately laws. He was merely curious about life. I knew then that I had to change my ways or risk being convicted of something eventually, and while I didn't believe that Azkaban could hold me, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life as a wanted criminal.

"I knew I'd find you here"

I turned to smile sadly as Lily walked up the final step. She took a seat next to me and we sat in pleasant silence watching the night sky. "So I just finished my rounds and I come back to a Common Room in chaos. I look around to confirm that the usual suspects had cleared off like usual and lo and behold there they are. Imagine my shock at finding out that it wasn't them but you that caused the drama of the year!"

"I didn't mean to Lily" I whispered quietly to my knees.

She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "My darling girl, I didn't think for an instant that you did mean it and I don't think anyone does."

"Then why am I just so out of control these days?" I demanded thickly, I could hear the tears in my voice.

Lily rocked me slightly as if to calm me. She was going to be a great mother one day, I think that's the Lily that James saw and worshipped. I'm even tempted to worship her after today. "Loath as I am to say this" Lily began as I looked up at her "What happened over the summer with Sirius..."

"I don't care about him kissing me!"

"No, no, hear me out." She calmed trying to forestall my negative reckon "I know that you aren't upset about the kiss. It was bound to happen anyway, you two are just so close. What I think is bothering you is the fact that Sirius left you all alone with your family, in that world; and I think what's bothering Sirius is the fact that you don't seem to care that he left you behind."

I considered her words. There was a reason she did so well in class after all. "Maybe you're right Lily; I am annoyed at him, angry in fact. I thought I could always count on him to be there. Us against them all, but now he's gone and he's not coming back."

"And now you have to choose whether you stay or not." She took my hand in both of hers "I really think you living by yourself will do you some good Jez, you'll be able to figure out exactly what it is that you want out of life without feeling like you have to please anyone but yourself."

I smiled at her "Lily, I promise I will start to do things for my own sake from now on!"

"Of course you will. Now let's get to bed. It's freezing up here!"

"I don't think you guys are friends anymore" James remarked softly watching the two girls walk up to their dormitory.

"No? Really?" Sirius replied sarcastically, "What on earth gave you that impression?"

"In fact" James continued ignoring Sirius' response "I'd say that you hadn't been friends for quite a while."

Sirius looked confused and tilted his head as if trying to get the pieces to fall into place. "I know you're speaking English, but I can't seem to understand you Jimmy Boy!"

"All I'm saying is that you crossed a line from friend into lover a long time ago, but your unrequited love is threatening to destroy whatever bond you currently still have."

Perhaps stumped by James' thoughtfulness (completely out of character) Sirius considered his words before responding, "Mate, I don't know what I feel when it comes to that girl. I've known her for so long. Sometimes I want to spin her around like we did as a child, and sometimes I just want to strangle her for being so... well, innocent, I guess. But sometimes..."

James cocked his eyebrow in anticipation "I just feel like kissing her and laying with her in my arms."

James nodded sagely before bursting out into laughter "You're such a faggot!"

Sirius violently threw a cushion as his friend withered on the floor with laugher clutching his belly full of laughter.

**Okays, so I'm worried that the characters are becoming too out of character from the ones that first got on the train together that fateful September day... let me know.**


	11. Chapter 11

**So was able to smash this out. Am on a roll people... just smashing into everything as I have no idea what is being liked about this story or even if it's being liked at all.**

**BTW... coz a few people asked why I rated this story M? Be prepared for some heated up action as the story progresses. I know I should be more traditional, but let's face it, who doesn't love a bit of sex?**

**Harry Potter remains as always the work of the great Sensei Rowlings.**

"So I think that's everything" Careen said in a worried tone as she surveyed the ballroom. She had turned up that morning and spent the entirety of the day strategically placing decorations as Nifty and Jiffy cleaned out the dust and cobwebs. The doors were opened to the garden which in the absence of the three years since my father was arrested had grown into a wild jungle. Despite Jiffy's itching need to maintain the lawns and hedges I put a stern foot down and declared that I liked that wild look. I had to relax my all muggle rule when I discovered that Nifty was absolutely incapable of doing any cleaning without a touch of magic and I think Careen was more than a bit appreciative that she could use magic to aid in decorating.

"I still can't believe that you actually have a ballroom in your house!" Lily observed next to me, "Not to mention a ghost!"

I smiled as I remembered Lily's shock when Lady Gwendolyn floated through the wall as Lily was having a bath last night. Gwendolyn was an Aunt of mine who decided that she would rather die than go through with the arranged marriage she had to look forward to, so she hurled herself off the battlements, but retained enough fear and regret to become tethered to the place. For me Aunt Gwen, as I called her, had always been a staunch ally, determined for me to rein supreme in every one of life pursuits. She took every opportunity to push the case for female supremacy and particularly at a young age she would not allow me to lose so strategic of an event such as hide and seek even if it meant helping me cheat! Said ghost was currently sulking in the kitchen when I informed her that my Aunt was to be attending. Aunt Gwen it seemed did not like my father's sister too much.

"Ok," Careen came over to us looking professional with a clipboard and monogrammed, pastel green muggle business suit. it was very form fitting and most glamorous. "So the decorations are done, Nifty and Jiffy assure me that all the food is ready to go and the guests should start arriving any second now... it's just a shame that Alice didn't come earlier..."

"She wanted to be with Frank" Lily sighed "Those two are so perfect for each other; I just hope one day I could be so lucky."

"Their affection and numerous public displays of said affection make me violently sick." Careen said looking down at her notes "And as if you won't just end up with Potter anyway." She wandered off to straighten some tinsel on the tree before Lily could respond.

"I will not just end up with Potter!" Lily spluttered. "I would rather marry the Giant Squid!"

"I'd take James over the Giant Squid. Less inky." I said thoughtfully.

Lily looked like she wanted to respond but instead just laughed and grabbed my hand to twirl me around. "Well just look at you darling; lovely tiny, little red dress, I do believe that you will have every eye on you tonight!"

I struck a pose and we both laughed "You can talk! What about your little number?" her emerald green dress matched mine, but I think we both just loved how risqué our ensembles were.

"Battle stations people!" Careen cried from across the room as the fireplace lit up with the first guests.

I took the time to mingle with everyone and I think the party was a real success. Presents had been heaped under the tree and a countdown had been established before we could break them open at midnight. My family had come and gone, I couldn't really blame them as the average age of the party was under 20, but they assured me that they had had a good time and confirmed that I was to attend Christmas lunch at their place tomorrow.

I caught sight of Lily who was talking to an elegant brunette who I recognised. Smiling I wandered over "Hello Mrs. Potter, I'm so glad you could come."

"Mrs. Potter?" Lily exclaimed in surprise "James Potter's mother?"

"Yes." She said smiling warmly "unfortunately I do provide a bit of a shock when I introduce my son."

"Well this is Lily Evans, Mrs. Potter." I said smiling broadly.

"Lily? Really? I have heard so much about you! The way James tells it, you are the smartest girl and the most beautiful creature in Hogwarts!"

"Mother!" James said outraged from behind. I smiled again as I saw Lily blush as she caught James' eye and looked away. I took this as my queue to leave them to it.

Keeping my eyes on the ground and smiling to myself I accidently felt myself bump into someone.

"Umpf!" they said grabbing my upper arms to steady me on my heels as I threatened to over balance from the unexpected contact.

"Well I certainly wouldn't mind getting you for Christmas!" I looked up as I recognised the voice and saw shock in his grey eyes as he realised who I was. He quickly let go and stepped back, "Jez, I'm so sorry, I had no idea..." I watched him flounder for words with an amused smirk.

"Great Party!" he settled for laughing nervously while rubbing his neck and for a moment I saw the opportunity to perhaps salvage our broken friendship. That is until I heard a great commotion out in the hall.

"Hold that thought Sirius" I smiled over my shoulder as I walked away in what could be described as a seductive manner and I saw him notably brighten. I was shocked at myself slightly as I left the hall strutting in an alluring way simply because I knew he'd be watching. I guess those muggle spirits are really quiet strong and mess with your head something chronic. Particularly the tequila one.

What confronted me in the hall was the lovely Lady Gwen screaming at Frank Longbottom and a cowering Alice.

"Oh my goodness Frank!" I said quickly stepping between my ghostly Aunt and my friends. She started howling out great tears and quickly floated away. I let her be; the woman was over three hundred years old, I'm sure her feelings were used to being put through the wringer.

"Jez, I'm so sorry I was just kissing Frank." She blushed as she said this but continued "and then she comes screaming out of the wall. Literally!"

"Alice this isn't your fault at all! Neither is it yours Frank. It's mine really; I should have remembered and warned her. She killed herself to save herself from an arranged marriage."

"Oh my!" Alice said clasping her hands over her mouth in shock.

"George Longbottom right?" Frank said thoughtfully.

"Um, yeah. How did you know?" I said with more than a little surprise entering my voice.

"I think she was meant to be he's sixth wife. He would've been about eighty at the time. I believe that he was also the Minister of Magic at the time too. Rumour has it he used to use his young brides as bribery and then dispose of them when they got too old. Quiet sad really."

"So what you're saying to me is that he would use is wives basically as whores to seal deals for him. Give their bodies as rewards? That's vile!" I said with emotion filling my voice.

Frank looked slightly embarrassed "Well he certainly is the best member of my family. From what I remember she was Hector Phoenix's daughter. The man had already lost his title and thought that to sell his daughter would perhaps regain a margin of the power he was born to."

"That makes the story even more despicable Frank. I know it's no reflection on you, but I'm sure you can understand why she reacted the way she did when she saw you."

"Of course Jez." He said warmly squeezing my arm in a reassuring manner before he lead Alice back into the ballroom. Alice sported me a content smile as she allowed herself to be lead.

"I really shouldn't be surprised by all the stories I hear about your family, but wow... the shocks just keep coming." Thomas Deerbourne had stepped out of the shadows apparently having witnessed the entire incident.

"Unfortunately there are a lot of skeletons in this family closet and even we don't have enough closets to hide them all." I smiled at the boy. I was rewarded with a bright smile in return with the whites of his teeth standing in pleasant contrast to his tanned skin and dark features.

"I find that hard to believe in a home this size." He spread his arms wide as he came towards me; he stopped when he was less than half a metre away. I knew him, hence his invitation, but despite being in the same year as me, I virtually knew nothing else about the Ravenclaw boy expect that he was seeker for their quiddich team and I vaguely remember his mother trying to introduce him to me at the party held at the Malfoy's that summer, meaning he must be a pureblood.

"Thank you so much for inviting me" he continued, "I must admit I was quiet surprised by your invitation... I didn't think you even knew who I was!"

"You'd be surprised about what I know" where on earth had this seductive, flirty girl come from? Go home already!

"I'll bet you know all sorts of secrets" he whispered in a warm voice that made me shiver slightly which had nothing to do with the temperature. He tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and moved in close enough that I could feel his breath on my face.

"I'll bet you even know what effect you have on boys like me. I bet you even enjoy the power it gives you." He whispered hotly again and I squirmed slightly trying to fully comprehend the situation outside the warm feeling I was getting. I had a sneaking suspicion that the alcohol heightens the sensations that I was feeling.

Before I knew it felt his lips against mine and his moist probing tongue seeking access to my mouth. I'd kissed boys before, but most of the time it had been a chaste event the only time that I had ever really lost control being when Sirius had kissed me... and now I guess.

I found myself bringing my arms up to pull him closer to me and deepen his kiss. Sirius was the last person I wanted to be thinking about right now, but for some reason he maintained a small presence in the back of my mind.

Finally be came up for air and panting slightly he touched my cheek before winking and walking off saying "I guess I'll see you around Lady Phoenix."

I hate to say it, but the way he treated me, like I was nothing special appealed to me greatly and I spent the rest of the night so preoccupied by swapping smouldering glances with him that by the time I collapsed into bed I realised two things. Firstly I hadn't opened my presents and secondly I had never sought out Sirius to work out our issues.

**Review, review, review! Please, please, please!**


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